Friday, June 26, 2009

Things I Wish I Could Say

How do you even manage to tie your shoes?

I'm sorry, you're too stupid, I can't help you.

Do you ever shut up?

What makes you think I care?

Why does your mother dress you like that?

No one likes you.

I don't think you're aware of other people.

You drive like an idiot.

Oh, nevermind, you are an idiot.

I know you're talking, but all I hear is "blah, blah, blah".

Just keep walking.

Could you please just stop with the breathing?

You know, showering is more effective than overpowering perfume.

I wonder why you're so impressed with yourself?

When did they let you out?

Can I help you find the door?

Man, you really look old in this light.

No one's out to get you. No one wants you.

It really wasn't that good for me.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Shit I Can Do Without

No raises this year at work.

The heat.

Dick Cheney's mouth.

"It's not you, it's me."

Having everything I say analyzed.

Being broke.

Dealing with garages and insurance people.

Lack of power steering in my car.

Cleaning up after other people.

Techs who want me to do their job for them.

Lifetime movies.

Doctors on power trips.


Other drivers.

Watching out for other people's feelings.

Trashy people.

Being ignored.

Putting up with other people's crap.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Things I Don't Need

People telling me I need to "lose a few pounds".

The birthday gift of Vehicle Registration fees.

A really nice detailing job on my car in lieu of working power steering.

Clients telling me how much they prefer other software.

The opportunity to clean up after others.

Stories about how winning the lottery turned out to be a curse for some people.

No Smoking rules.

Being informed that diet sodas are full of harmful chemicals.

Dating advice.

Conversations about other people's health issues.

Being stuck with the tab.

Rush hour traffic.


Jokes about anti-depressants.


Condom machines in the women's restroom.

Text messages while I'm driving.

Unexpected expenses.


Monday, June 1, 2009

The Hits Just Keep Coming

OK, so I finally got my car back from the body shop Friday. It only took them 3 freakin weeks to fix it. Evidently, either whoever does the parts ordering is an idiot, or they have the worst parts supplier outside of the U.S. military. It took them three tries to get the right hood, then three more to get the right radiator, THEN they had the wrong bumper part. I mean seriously, does anyone buy that? Think up some new excuses, Autoglo.
So I have the car back....and the power steering doesn't work!? WTF? It was working when I pulled the car off the highway after the accident, but it doesn't work now. Of course, they say this has nothing to do with them, and now I have to take the car to another mechanic.
This is officially bullshit. They were all very polite, the front end looks like brand new, and they even detailed the car for me. So maybe I'm just being a bitch here, but I actually expected to be able to drive it without having an upper body workout.
I just want this shit over with.