In keeping with my personal mission to bring peace between those of us who provide tech support and the users who avail themselves of our services, I've put together a quick primer of commonly used phrases and their translations.
Test feature. - glitch
I'll have to research this. - I have no f***ing idea.
The developers are aware of the issue. - They don't have a f***ing idea, either.
This was caused by incorrect input in certain fields. - You screwed it up.
We are working on it now. - We screwed it up.
I'll need to log into your system. - You aren't bright enough to follow my directions.
Do you have a backup? - If things haven't already gone horribly awry, they're about to.
That's outside the scope of what I do here. - I can probably fix it, but I won't, because it's not my job.
I can understand your frustration. - Quit your damn whining.
Is there a better time for you to address this? - Put me on hold again and I will drive there and bitch-slap you.
I'll certainly pass along your suggestions to development. - Why don't you build your own software if you know so damn much?
Could I speak with your technician or network administrator? - You don't sound like you can even find the keyboard.
Is there anything else I can help you with? - Please say no, please say no, please say no....
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