OK, so, here's the problem: I'm not myself lately. I've...lost my edge. I haven't wanted to punch hardly anyone in weeks. Well, except the people in front of me in traffic, I can always count on them. Oh, and those assholes at AIG. And Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and their ilk. Yeah, and myself, kinda, because I continue to be baffled by my checking account, and it turns out they charge for cluelessness. And whatever programming tool at Fox that moved Terminator to Fridays. But hardly anyone else.
Maybe it's the meds messing with me. It could be that my personal life is humming along pretty well. I have the strangest feeling lately. I smile at people. I say, "Hello" to strangers. I know what it is, I've seen it before in Disney movies. I'm just embarrassed to say it. It's all so different and out of character for me, and I'm not sure what to do with it. Alright, here it is: I'm....I think that I might be......happy...ish. I mean, I'm not angry, or bitter, or cynical, or any of the other stuff that makes me who I am. Well, it's probably temporary, but it's f***ing with my head.
Does anyone know how this sh*t works?
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Rage & Reindeer
I don't exactly hate the holidays, I like the extra days off, and the plentiful baked treats. I don't have any religious beliefs, but the story about baby Jesus is about as inoffensive a myth as the Santa one, so I got no hate on there.
Predictably, there are also things I don't like about the holidays. Here's a few:
The endless, jingle bell infested, magical snowman and/or reindeer referencing, child-oriented, nerve-grating music. It's playing everywhere I go, and I'm warning you all - it kicks my homicidal tendencies up a couple of notches.
The family obligations. Visiting family is hard on an angry old bitch like me. These are, after all, the people who provided the genesis of my inner rage. Choking down all that old resentment while listening to Fox News "talking points" being mindlessly regurgitated by weak, fearful relatives, against a backdrop of noisy, dirty-faced children in church donated shabby clothing leaves me in a depressive funk that my meds can't even touch. It's a white-trash Christmas!
Present pressure. Yes, even my twisted, bitter soul is not immune to the desire to give gifts to friends, donations to strangers, and most of all, brightly colored baubles for the aforementioned dirty-faced children. Because I know all too well just how dark and sad their lives are, even if they don't....yet. Of course, I cannot afford to give any gifts this year. I'm barely keeping my bills paid. So, the extra pressure? Not really needing it right now, thanks.
Jingle-rage. Is it just me, or do people get more hostile during the holidays? I'm not just talking about the mall madness, either. The traffic is horrible, drivers are so aggressive even an anger junkie like me thinks "Man, be cool already, we'll all get there if everyone plays nice."
Christmas Crime. Maybe it's the present pressure, or maybe it's just the wealth of opportunities during the yearly orgy of consumerism, but burglaries, smash & grabs, armed robberies, and every other variation on the theme of theft are as much a part of the holidays as ribbons and Rudolph.
Happy freakin' holidays.
Predictably, there are also things I don't like about the holidays. Here's a few:
The endless, jingle bell infested, magical snowman and/or reindeer referencing, child-oriented, nerve-grating music. It's playing everywhere I go, and I'm warning you all - it kicks my homicidal tendencies up a couple of notches.
The family obligations. Visiting family is hard on an angry old bitch like me. These are, after all, the people who provided the genesis of my inner rage. Choking down all that old resentment while listening to Fox News "talking points" being mindlessly regurgitated by weak, fearful relatives, against a backdrop of noisy, dirty-faced children in church donated shabby clothing leaves me in a depressive funk that my meds can't even touch. It's a white-trash Christmas!
Present pressure. Yes, even my twisted, bitter soul is not immune to the desire to give gifts to friends, donations to strangers, and most of all, brightly colored baubles for the aforementioned dirty-faced children. Because I know all too well just how dark and sad their lives are, even if they don't....yet. Of course, I cannot afford to give any gifts this year. I'm barely keeping my bills paid. So, the extra pressure? Not really needing it right now, thanks.
Jingle-rage. Is it just me, or do people get more hostile during the holidays? I'm not just talking about the mall madness, either. The traffic is horrible, drivers are so aggressive even an anger junkie like me thinks "Man, be cool already, we'll all get there if everyone plays nice."
Christmas Crime. Maybe it's the present pressure, or maybe it's just the wealth of opportunities during the yearly orgy of consumerism, but burglaries, smash & grabs, armed robberies, and every other variation on the theme of theft are as much a part of the holidays as ribbons and Rudolph.
Happy freakin' holidays.
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