Wow. Looking for a job is super fun. I haven't found anything yet, but I have been rejected by some really swell folks. It's kind of like dating, only I don't get dinner or a movie before the "It's not you, it's me" speech. I'm not worried, though. I've come up with some really good career ideas. Here are a few of the jobs I feel most qualified for.
Lead singer for a speed metal band.
Quality assurance consultant for medical marijuana growers.
Sweat pants model.
Sleep study participant.
Hot dog vendor.
Republican speech writer.
Reality tv star.
Slap bet commissioner.
Beach tanning coordinator.
Anything Ryan Seacrest could do, but won't. Like, date women.
If you know of any available positions in any of these fields, please let me know!