Thursday, May 28, 2009

People I Hate

Anyone with a big-ass SUV with freakin' tinted windows. I don't wanna look at your sorry ass, I just wanna see traffic. Tool.

The guy at the body shop who keeps getting the wrong f***ing parts for my car.

The bitch with the house on the corner who put boulders on the corner of her yard so no one can take the turn tight anymore. Like that 1 foot of your yard is so precious that everyone should risk collision to avoid accidentally running over it.

Rich, spoiled morons who are too tight to pay working people a living wage.

Everyone who has to slow down in traffic to get a good look at the fender bender on the side of the road.

Dick "Shut the hell up already" Cheney.

Anyone over 30 who still belongs to a "clique".

Everyone involved with NASCAR, especially the fans.

People who abandon their animals. You all oughta be kept chained in a yard and starved.

Arrogant retail clerks. You fold shirts for a living. You are not all that.

Telemarketers. Why isn't this industry dead yet?

Wimpy Democrats.

Self-righteous Republicans.

The insufferable morons on Pogo who insist on keeping up juvenile chat full of lame sexual innuendo in a game room. Go to a freakin' dating site and get some, maybe then you won't feel the need to bore everyone else with your poorly spelled attempts to hook up.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Karma Crash

OK, after all my ranting about bad drivers, karma finally caught up with me. Friday afternoon, I wrecked my car. Dammit. Nobody was hurt, but it has been an expensive, exhausting ordeal. Everyone I've had to deal with has been pretty cool, from the cop to the insurance adjuster, with one exception - the f***ing rental car guy (Enterprise = bunch of morons). Seems you can't use your debit card to rent a car, unless you have 2 utility bills with you. Cause everyone carries those around with them. In their friend's cars. Asshats. So, after 20 minutes of his painfully polite refusal to help, he asks me where the car is being fixed. I tell him it's at Autoglo in Tucker (shout out to Jerry the dog over there). He's all, "Oh, we know them, let me call over there and if they verify they have your car, we can use your debit card."
To which my friend asked "This, you couldn't have done 20 minutes ago?" Seriously.
So now, I'm waiting impatiently for the body shop and the insurance guy to decide between them if my car is gonna be fixed or totalled. Yeah, it's not been fun.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

People I Want To Punch In The Face

There was a pick your five quiz on Facebook the other day on this subject, and I had such a hard time narrowing it down to just five. I thought I'd post a more complete list here.

George W. Bush

Karl Rove

Dick Cheney

Ann Coulter

Rush Limbaugh

Bill O'Reilly

Pauly Shore

Gilbert Gottfreid

Jim Belushi

Anyone else responsible for According To Jim

Sissy Spacek

Anyone named Kardashian

All the Bachelors and Bachelorettes

Mel Gibson

Fred Phelps

All Televangalists

Newt Gingrich

Sarah Palin

All drivers in front of me in traffic

All shoppers in front of me in line

Anyone in front of me

Michael Vick

Marcus Vick

All wannabe thug rappers


Religious fanatics

Rich people

Anyone who works in a call center in India

People with mullets

Anyone who drives a huge, gas-guzzling SUV that I can't see around

Guys who ride around with their stereos up way too loud

Everyone who tries to rewrite history to make Ronald Reagan look like a great President

Whoever won that $220 million dollar lottery

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Things I Have Been Doing Instead of Blogging

Watching dyke drama.

Playing computer games.


Appealing to the lottery Gods.

Neglecting my chores.

Getting laid.

Watching TV.

Planning a party.

Trying in vain to comprehend my finances.

Talking to the cat, and believing she understands me.


Enjoying my road rage.

Being smugly satisfied with the new President.

Pondering writer's block.