Thursday, January 22, 2009

Cats Are Better Than People

I don't like people. I do like cats. Here's why:

Cats never drive like assholes. They don't even like cars, so they are never in my way. You? Probably are.

People don't have fur. So you'd hope they'd have some fashion sense. They don't.

If people don't like you, they talk about you behind your back. If cats don't like you, they claw your eyes out. I respect violence far more than underhandedness.

Cats are clean. People....are not:

Cat toys <$3. LG - 42" 720p Flat-Panel LCD HDTV = $899.99 at Best Buy.

Cats never call tech support.

Cats are dignified. People? Not so much.

If cats have a religion, they don't talk about it or try to convert me.

People either fear eating because they have a poor body image, or use food to comfort them because they have low self-esteem. Cats eat when they are hungry and never ask if their butts are too big.

I've never seen a cat mall.

Cats don't go through body-odor reeking, hormone-addled, self-centered, whining adolescence.

Even the very worst cats in the world never did anything as horrific as Be Kind, Rewind.

People talk, cats purr.

Cats screw, and are done with it. No Dear Abby, no couples counseling, no relationship-py angst.

If there were no cats, there'd be no Catwoman.


No comments:

Post a Comment