Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Homosexual Agenda

Well, the conservatives have been worried for some time now about the "Homosexual Agenda". And while it has been fun watching them fret about what manner of nefarious, anti-family plots those hedonists have been brewing, I think it's time to set the record...erm...straight. Now, I may have missed some meetings, so if I skip anything, ya'll feel free to add it on.

Agenda Items:

The institution of a nationwide "Happy Hour", with half-price cocktails.

The right to adopt babies who will eventually grow into ungrateful, sullen teenagers and make us feel like we failed as parents.

Inclusion of tanning salons in insurance coverage.

The right to inherit our partner's crushing debt, so we have something to remember them by.

The addition of the letter H to the movie ratings system. Some movies are obviously for us, but others have a more subtle appeal that may not be entirely clear from reviews (G.I. Jane, anyone?)

The right to be badgered into marriage, so we can lose half our stuff in the divorce, because any excuse for shopping is a good excuse.

American Drag Idol.

That's about it. See? We're not really asking for that much, are we?

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