Save Yourself From The Aliens

Have you or someone you know been abducted by aliens? Do little gray men sneak into your room at night and steal you away to their ship and perform experiments on you? Do you have strange lapses in memory, like an utter inability to recall anything that occurs while you are sleeping? Not to worry! I've found a site on preventing alien abductions!

Follow these helpful guidelines from the site and protect yourself!

Leave bright light on; in your room, hallway, and other rooms where Children or others sleep. Or everybody sleep in same room. This is also helpful in keeping away the boogeyman.

If you have a UPS (Uninterruptable Power Supply) for use with computers, plug the lamp into that. (In case abductions include power disruption) This guy thinks of EVERYTHING!

Hurry and buy or rustle up fast, before tonight, some kind of warning buzzer that will alarm you if the power goes off. Uh, I'm pretty sure buzzer-rustling is a crime? Punishable by hanging? Plus, where am I gonna get a black hat and a bandanna before bedtime?

If you have floor fans and/or table fans, bring them into your room and turn them all on, air-stream directed away from you of course. It would be great if one or more fan could be plugged into a UPS. Will a snow-blower work?

Keep a flashlight with fresh batteries beside you in bed (sleep with it!). Well, duh, who doesn't sleep with their flashlight?

If you have an attic fan, turn it on. And piss off the leprechauns in the attic? No thank you!

Spread salt all around your bed; surround it entirely. My doctor told me to stay away from excess salt, can I use Lite Salt? Or, better yet, pepper?

If you have access or can buy quickly (by tonight) the essence of an herb called Yarrow (achillea millefolium), spread it around your bed-room. Aliens hate herbs! And essences!

If nobody is pregnant in your house, also buy essence of an herb called pennyroyal (hedeoma pulegioides) and spread it around your bed-room. Aliens and babies hate pennyroyal!

Sleep with iron bars nearby or preferably, next to you. A crucifix made of iron would be good too. Prisoners are safe. Whew.